If I thought that he might actually read these words, I might think twice about writing this. But, as my blog has nothing to do with peak oil, progressive politics or the stock market, I doubt he’d spend the time reading such trivialities as my writing. So, I’m free to say it: my boyfriend is a dork.
He’s not always a dork. In fact, for the most part, he comports himself quite admirably. While completely disinterested in fashion, he does manage to dress himself in the standard guy uniform of jeans and a t-shirt, and knows when to up the ante to khakis and a button down shirt. I’ve never had any moments where I’ve had to say “you’re wearing that?” Nor have I ever said in awe, “wow, you’re wearing that? Nice!” In fact, I rather like that he is clueless about fashion. A fashionable man is certainly nice to look at, but I’m guessing would be rather high maintenance. He’d be all fussy about how his clothes are handled, and would actually expect me to offer him a hanger or two in my closet. Plus, then there’d be all this pressure for me to also dress fashionably. Nah, I’d rather take a guy with some grease under his nails than a fop who is on a first name basis with the local dry cleaners.
So, as you can imagine, when it comes to accessories, he keeps it to the basics. Being as he is a middle-aged man with a bald spot, there must be a baseball cap. Again, nothing too embarrassing. It’s a khaki colored cap advertising some obscure company that either he got for free at a green building fair, or I got a tech conference. I don’t remember, I just know it is ever-present.
And then there are the sunglasses. I have never met anyone as obsessed with his sunglasses as he is. If there is even the slightest chance that we may encounter sunlight while outside, he simply must have his sunglasses. I’ve stopped counting the times when I’ve had to wait in the car while he conducts a search for for his goddamn sunglasses. But, he’s not a brand fetishist by any stretch. In fact, he used to make fun of me for spending $20 on a pair. He’ll pride himself on getting a good pair for only $5. As long as they protect his eyes from exploding when in contact with sunlight, he’s happy.
He’s had this one pair of sunglasses for a pretty long time. He even spent more than $5 on them. Those damn sunglasses were the love of his life. But, what with impermanence being the nature of all things, those sunglasses got stepped on and broken. He called me just to tell me about that tragedy and how his first priority the next day was to go out and buy some new sunglasses.
On Sunday morning he debuted his new glasses to me as we got in the car to go to brunch. “They were only $5 at K-Mart” he said proudly as he put on his new find. When he put them on and looked at me, I paused. “Uh . . . you know . . . um . . . sweetie?” I almost started laughing, because for once he was actually in fashion. That is, if he were a woman. He was wearing these over-sized squarish sunglasses that are so favored these days by Hollywood starlets and the like. Back in the old days, you might say they were slightly reminiscent of Jackie O’s signature sunglasses.
“Uh, sweetie, I think those are women’s sunglasses.” I said delicately, trying not to wound his male pride.
“Oh. Yeah. You could be right” he said as he looked in the mirror.
It was such a dorky moment, and I loved him for it. And in the end, he ended up getting a good pair of man’s sunglasses and he passed along the stylin’ chick’s sunglasses to me. And I must say, I don’t think I look too dorky in them.