If you’ve been in a relationship with someone for 14 years, you probably have learned to overlook a lot of shit that your beloved does that drives you batty. For instance, at the beginning of our relationship, The Boyfriend’s inability to wear a watch or tell time was almost a deal breaker. I pride myself on being punctual, to the point of being downright neurotic about it. So, when he said he would be over at my house by 7pm, and he then he didn’t show up until after 8, I would fume. I would yell. And I would threaten to break-up. Eventually, however, when I saw that his inability to tell time was almost a congenital defect, I decided that I would just have to get over it. His good traits outweighed the bad. Besides, he started demonstrating that he was at least making an effort, which greatly softened my annoyance.
But, he has another trait for which he is absolutely unapologetic despite years of my complaining, nagging, and making snide comments. The man uses a clean dish or cup for EVERYTHING.
The Boyfriend is only here one night a week, yet in that 24-hour period, the man generates more dirty dishes than I do all week. Whenever I see him take a plate to eat a piece of coffee cake, or a slice of cold pizza, I give him The Look. The Look that says “really? Is that really necessary?” He acts as if he doesn’t know what The Look means even when I go on to extol the virtues of paper towels.
“Paper towels are wondrous things. They can serve double duty as both a napkin and a plate” I tell him as if I haven’t told him that hundreds of times already.
“Oh yeah. Thanks. Could you hand me one?” he says with no intention of relinquishing the plate.
It’s hopeless. He does the same thing with glasses and cups. He gets out a clean cup even when he just wants a glass of water. It never occurs to him to reuse the glass from which he drank his last sips of refreshing H2O. And I don’t know how he does it, but there is always a plethora of cutlery left in the sink far exceeding the number of utensils needed for what has been consumed. Does he just take them out of the drawer and lick them and put them in the sink?
I suppose this wouldn’t annoy me as much if I had a dishwasher, or if he offered to do the dishes. But, I have neither a mechanical dishwasher nor a human one besides myself. While he does perform many much needed chores around my house, washing dishes is not one of them.
I suppose I could wrap up this little rant with a heart-warming lesson about love, patience, forgiveness, gratitude or some other bullshit. Perhaps if I had more time, I could come up with some meaningful life lesson from this. But, no, I have a sink of goddamn dishes I need to wash.
Your insights, suggestions, condolences or a free dishwasher are always welcome.