Oh, hi. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? It’s been about two months since I last checked in with y’all.
Things here at Chez LazyBuddhist have been fine, for the most part. Though I did just lose Mrs. Peabody to cancer. I had to put her to sleep last Friday. Horrible decision, but I believe the right one. She had a fast-growing tumor in her face which made it harder and harder for her to eat. Maybe I erred on the side of too early – she still had a lot of life and spirit in her – but within a couple of days she would not be able to eat at all, then the risk of her going into a very painful condition called stasis would be quite high. I did not want her to suffer. Everyone has assured I did the right thing at the right time, but still, it pains me.
It’s funny, I never thought I had a close bond with Mrs. P. I always likened our relationship as a slightly icy mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship. I tolerated her because she made my boy bunny, Mr. Binkles happy. They were a bonded pair. But, Binkles still has his mommy relationship with me, which I think made Peabody a little jealous. She never came up to me and ask for petting, or even bothered to check in with me occasionally as she did her evening romps around the house. I was OK with that. She was a very pretty bunny, as well as a very calm, confident one. Watching them simply be bunnies, either together or separately was always a joy.
I surprised myself a bit with how emotional I’ve been about this loss. At first I thought I was mostly going to be upset with how it would affect Binkles. But, the copious tears I cried before, during and after her death tell me I was more attached than I thought. She was a quiet presence, but one that was filled with life and an innate intelligence I miss you, Mrs. Peabody.
My spiritual practice has been going great guns. According to this cool iPhone app, Insight Timer, for the last two months, I’ve been averaging 52 minutes a day meditating. And next week at this time, I’ll be out at Spirit Rock again at a nine-day concentration retreat.
I’ve found a sitting group where I’m comfortable. It’s a large group so it’s fairly easy to just blend into the crowd. I still aspire to find a group where I can make some connections, yet not get consumed by the group. It may be possible with this one, I just need to feel comfortable enough to show up at their monthly pre-sitting burrito party. For now, I’m happy just breezing in, having a lovely meditation, listening to the dharma talk, throwing a few bucks in the dana basket, and then breezing out.
The rest of my life has been fine. I’ve been working with some old traumatic/emotional shit in therapy. Not always fun, but I think it’s worth it. Will the result be a new, improved Not-So-LazyBuddhist? I doubt it. I’m actually pretty OK as I am. It will just be nice to clear out some of the obstacles that obscure my light.
Hope all has been well with you. I’m hoping this writing dry spell will end soon.