No need for faux spiderwebs for Halloween at Chez LazyBuddhist.  No, at this time of year, my yard becomes Spidertown.

two spiders do battle outside my kitchen window

two spiders do battle outside my kitchen window

I’ve lived in this neighborhood for about 12 years now so I’ve become used to the annual spider invasion.  It usually happens in the latter part of the summer or early fall.  But, it does seem that each year these damn spiders are getting bigger and bigger.  You would think I lived next to a nuclear power plant rather than merely an oil refinery.  One big guy has a web that is probably close to three feet in diameter.  It’s right next to my walkway, which is fine with me.  When he starts to encroach across my walkway?  Well, bub, you’ll find out who is the bigger and more dangerous species. With the flick of this yardstick, I can bring down your days of work.  So, don’t even think about expanding across my walkways, ‘k?

Sure, now I sound all bold and brave when it comes to my eight-legged friends.  And normally, I have a live and let live philosophy when it comes to spiders.  But, if I’m surprised by one by walking into its web, or having it lower its creepy self in front of my eyes while driving 65 mph, I become a damn shrieking fool.  (And yes, I did have a stow-away in my car reveal itself to me while I was driving over a bridge at 65 mph.  I completely and utterly spazzed out for the entire length of the bridge until I was safely across and found a place to park, lept out of my car and fully shook out my clothing, hair and car to make sure he wasn’t on me.  I didn’t find him that morning, but I scared him enough to go take cover, only revealing himself a couple of days later when he started spinning a web in the back window of my car.)

Sleeping driveway spider

Sleeping driveway spider

I’m not the only one who spazzes out when encountering a spiderweb.  One  fall day a couple of years back, a young. outdoorsy looking man was canvassing my neighborhood for the Sierra Club.  I was at the back of the house, so I called out to him to meet me at the backdoor. He walked right into a huge spiderweb and started freaking the fuck out.  I tried my best not to laugh, but there was something so deliciously ironic about seeing this big rugged nature boy completely lose his shit when walking into a spider web.  I know, bad Buddhist, bad bad Buddhist.

Despite my fear of spiders, I’m not a spider killer.  If there is a spider in the house, we strike a deal – you stay over there, and I stay here. And since most of the time they are places I care not to be, we’re cool.  I let them have the ceiling, the upper part of the walls, or the basement.  Enjoy yourself Mr. Spider. Let us co-exist peacefully.   And if he fails to understand our agreement about boundaries, well, that is what the boyfriend is for.  He is not a spider killer either, but he is adept at capturing them and taking them outside.  Good boyfriend, good good boyfriend.

walkway spider w/ 3 ft wide web

walkway spider w/ 3 ft wide web

This year one of the spiders have located himself right outside my kitchen widow.  Every morning is like my own personal episode of Nature.  One morning, there was the turf battle (see pic above) where these two pretty equally matched spiders kept attacking each other.  It was fascinating, especially how this one spider would curl up in a ball and play dead.  When the other spider came over to poke at him to see if he was still alive, the curled up spider would spring open and start wildly attacking the other one.  Unfortunately, that spider that got attacked wasn’t the smartest spider, as he kept falling for the other one’s play dead ploy.  I could have watched this for hours, but I had to go to work.  When I came home, there was only one spider left – the victor.  Now I watch him work on his web in the morning with all the grace of a harpist plucking at the strings.

At a safe distance I can appreciate the effort and workmanship that go into making these massive webs.  And that the way  I like it – at a distance.


19 responses »

  1. Distance makes the heart grow fodder ~ oar may be thatz supposed 2 bee compost . . . N E ways ~ if ya ever need your precious bodily fluids sucked outta yer immobilized body then you know who to call . . . spidey ~ or may B thatz supposed to be Stanley Kubrick

    nice spider shots btw

  2. I have a buddy who has an unusual take on spiders… “there are only two kind of spiders: brown spiders which are brown recluses and must DIE or black spiders which are black widows and must DIE!”

    I asked him about spiders that weren’t exactly brown or black and his response was… “there are ONLY two kinds of spiders.”

    He’s a big, burly, rugged, outdoorsy type too. : )

  3. BBG – Gee, I thought you were making me a lurid offer. Darn.

    Jules – hmmm. I wonder how he would have reacted to the yellow and green huge hairy spider that attached itself to my mailbox a few years back. It wasn’t brown and it wasn’t black, but damn, was that thing scary.

    Ombuds – I guess I’m pretty lucky, I don’t have problems with any other kinds of creepy crawlies except for these damn spiders – and fortunately, they stay outside.

    To give you an idea of how big these damn spiders are, I was just talking to a neighbor who frequently passes through my yard and she said “you do realize you have a spider the size of a small dog along your walkway?” When I told her he was one of at least a half dozen she said she may have to reconsider her shortcut through my yard. Seriously, these motherf*ckers are big!

  4. I’ve always tolerated spiders in the grounds that a) they stay in places I can’t reach and b) they eat mosquitos and other flyie-bitie insects who prey on me.

    However, the spiders over here in Australia are in a whole different class from the spiders back in the UK. They are much bigger, some are positively aggressive and many are so venomous that they can kill.

    So, now I carefully shake out my shoes and boots before putting them on in the morning, and I am extremely wary when walking home through the park at night because 3ft webs are not uncommon here either. *shudder*

  5. Great — now I’ll have nightmares, that is IF I ever get to sleep because I’ll feel the little buggers crawling on me all night. Thanks.

  6. I co-exist with spiders as long as they stay out of my way. If they cross the line or leave the web, I wipe them out. However, not long ago, when my girls still lived with me, I would have to come to them wherever their shrieks were and pick up the spiders and take them outside. They wouldn’t do it but they hated for me to kill them so I would have to get rid of them. I don’t miss those days.

    My spiders like to make their webs on the front porch, right where I have to walk so it is not uncommon for me to squash their webs these days.

  7. For us it is time for the Pumpkin Spider to be out and about. Its crazy in our backyard. There are spiders everywhere, and they seem to have no regard for where the spin their webs and what paths we normally travel they are crossing.

    Figures. Fortunately they have yet to be found in the house.

  8. OK LB ~ eye bin tryin to hold off on this one but since yer post here has bin hangin out so bareface naked fur sew long eye gots to give ya this

    Oh n BTW thanks for yer help

  9. A Few Things That Are Far Worse Than Spiders:
    an angry man at the door with a slow sermon and a stack of Watch Towers = not a spider
    A boy faced taxi cab driver who can’t stop talkin about “that time in Bangkok” while yer on the way to the hospital for emergency surgery = not a spider
    a 3 month old baloney sandwich left in your trunk by that hitchhiker = not a spider
    meeting your new lover’s family for the first time with the most whopping fat cold sore in human history = not a spider
    a tuxedo wearin rabbit haulin a side of beef at midnight to the basement to cure = not a spider
    a giraffe ona unicycle with a dogeared bible and bone to pick = not a spider
    hey this is fun ~ n btw LB = Hoppy Hollow Weenie

  10. Butruos Butrous (by Ghali wow!) how do you post images in comments? I tried to do it on my site and couldn’t figure out how.

    I took pictures of dewy spiderwebs this weekend for LB, and would like to post ’em here.

  11. Ombud, I don’t think you can post pictures in a comment but you can insert the YouTube code. So if you were to make a slideshow of your pics and upload them to YouTube you could get them here.

    You can do the same thing with a Flickr slideshow but only in a post not a comment.

    I thought BBG’s video selections were pretty cool myself. I’d actually seen the one posted in the Oct 29th comment.

    If you want to see how to embed a Flickr slideshow go to my post on how to do it here.

  12. Pingback: Fog and the Flock « OmbudsBen

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