Back on the path

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As I sit here at my desk at the end of the work day I am of two minds.  One mind, the nice one,  is saying “go home.  You’re tired, you poor thing. You haven’t been sleeping well.  Just  start the class next week.  Be gentle with yourself.”  The other mind, the really annoying one, is saying “stop with the excuses, you lazy sod.  Get your ass over to Spirit Rock.  Later, you’ll be happy you did.”  I hate that other mind.

Tonight is the first class of a 10 week series called Essential Dharma, Part 3.  I took Part 1 a few months back, but then listened to the nice mind when it came to signing up for Part 2.  Because I figured I was doing my week-long retreat and that was more than enough dharma and meditation for a while, so I didn’t give myself too much grief for not attending Part 2.  After all, after my retreat my meditation practice would be in tippy top form and I wouldn’t need the structure of a weekly class to keep on track.  Right?

Well, that was true for a few weeks, and then one day would go by without meditating, then two, and then I was only meditating once a week, and then even that became a stretch.  

It’s not as though I have completely forgotten my Buddhist training.  I do try and live by the five precepts: no killing, no stealing, no sexual misconduct, no harmful speech and no intoxicants.  I’m still a decent person. It’s not like in the absence of a sangha or a teacher  I have become a reality show contestant, or even a Republican.  Though, I do have to say I probably could use some work on the precept of no harmful speech.

I need the structure.  I know this about myself.  And I love my meditation and my Buddhist practice.  So, where’s the debate? 

OK, OK, annoying mind, I’ll go.  I hate it when you know what’s best for me.

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5 responses »

  1. there there . . . . nice mind ~ here little mind-y mind-y – – – mama’s got some nice little treats for y#@#%* = bit in the ass again

  2. It’s not like in the absence of a sangha or a teacher I have become a reality show contestant, or even a Republican.

    LOL, LB.
    I think you are making more progress than you realize, sometimes. and if our country had more like you, we’d be a better peoples.

    So give yourself credit! (But keep it up with the structure, you readymade backsliding slacker. *wink*)

  3. My other mind has been giving me hell about getting back to regular yoga classes for the past month, while my nice mind has been all “Oh honey, you’re too tired, and look, you have a sore throat, you don’t want to spread your viral germs to the other people in the class, and anyway you’re way too busy at work right now, you’d never be able to commit to a 6pm start but the 7.45pm start is just too late and means you miss dinner…”

    So, like, I hear ya.

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