I’m being stalked by my gynecologist


Over the course of the last few years I’ve developed this irrational fear of going to see my doctor. I’m not sure how or why this developed. Perhaps it is simply a case of absence makes the heart grow fearful. There has been no compelling reason for me to make an appointment with her over the last four or so years, so I didn’t see a problem. I was able to get my asthma medications refilled, and even got another prescription by asking her via email. However, when I last requested a refill on my meds, it didn’t go through. Odd. But, then I got a message from my doctor to make an appointment. Oh, gonna play hardball, are we? Fine. I didn’t need to breathe anyway.

When I saw my resistance to seeing my doctor, I realized that I had grown fearful of her. I didn’t want to hear I was going to have to actually start exercising or increasing my vegetable intake. I didn’t want to see the evidence of my sedentary lifestyle. I didn’t want a lecture. But, I am also fond of breathing, so I called for an appointment.

The appointment was fine. My doctor is really a very nice woman and was very gentle with me. While I was there, she also scheduled a mammogram for me, as well as an appointment with dermatology to get some moles checked out. I knew I was also due for a pap smear, but I figured I’d take care of that later.

However, when I got home, there was a message on my voicemail from my gynecologist’s office encouraging me to come in for an appointment. The call came in at the very time I was sitting in my primary care doctor’s office. What a funny coincidence.

A week later I go for my mammogram appointment. While not horrible, there are a lot of other things I’d rather be doing, like eating gelato in Florence, Italy or cleaning the cat box. Again, I come home and there is a message from my gynecologist’s office recieved at precisely the same time as I was out having my boobs smushed between two cold plates. Weird. Very weird.

Now, it is starting to feel like my gynecologist is like some kind of jealous ex-boyfriend who leaves voicemail messages when they know you’re out with your new beau. I also remembered that she had sent me a couple of letters over the last few months saying she hadn’t seen me for a while, and to give her a call. Since I had no interest in seeing her, I simply threw those letters away. Now her tactics were escalating.

The other day in my mail I find I have two appointment reminder cards. Odd. I would expect one from the dermatologist, and indeed the first one I opened was reminding me of my appointment. What’s this second one? It’s from my damn gynecologist! Apparently, since I wouldn’t call her, she just made me an appointment anyway! Damn! Sure, I’m a year out of compliance for my pap smear, I know that. I’ll get around to it. But does she know something about my lady parts that I don’t? Good lord, I can’t remember the last time anyone has ever been so openly eager to see my naughty bits. I guess I should be flattered?

I have a month and half to decide whether I’m going to keep the appointment. I’ll probably just go and do it, lest my gynecologist shows up at my door with a pair of latex gloves, a speculum and a swab.

15 responses »

  1. Being a man, I can not in the least know what it must be like to en up with your legs in stirrups while some doctor incestigates your nethers. Sadly though, it will only be a few more years and my doctor will sudenly find it important for me to have a finger crammed up my rectum. I would imagine this experiance has similar adverse mental effects. So in a few years I will be happy to stop by and comiserate with you about the sanctioned violations made on people in the name of “Medicine.”

    Until then, all I can reccomend is that you don’t answer without checking the peek hole first.

  2. Adam – Oh honey, give it a few more years and you’ll have more than fingers up your rectum. Say hello to my little friend, the flex sigmoidoscopy. Ugg. The indignities of this human body and what we do to ensure its health.

  3. at my door with a pair of latex gloves, a speculum and a swab = ding dong – thatz not avon calling ~ or izit?

  4. I am horrible about going to the doc. I’m not sure why either. I’m fortunate that this shell i inhabit is relatively healthy but now that I’m on the other side of 40 things are starting to break down a little and need some maintenance. ugh… i don’t want to go to the doc.

  5. Marshmallows – you know,I’m starting to think that is not such a bad idea. Bring back the old days of the house call – except this time unannounced. If people don’t keep up on their routine exams and tests, expect a random visit from the traveling doctor. Hmmm. I think I may suggest it.

    Jules – I think doctor avoidance is a pretty common male thing. “Oh, I’m fine. Healthy as a horse. Why do I need some doctor to tell me that?” But, what we physicianphobes may miss are the routine tests that can point to possible problems in the future, or are even manifesting now. I feel quite fortunate all my tests turned out normal. My LDL is ever-so slightly elevated, but not so much I’m freaked out and plan an immediate change of my slothful ways. Eventually though …

  6. I had someone ask me a while back where my doctor-phobia started, and it was like they’d reached into my head and plucked out a memory — a “routine” appointment that wound up with me flat on my back in a room lined with fascinated student doctors. When I thought about it, I realized I’d always been fine with doctors before that. So. It didn’t make the fear go away, but now when I have it at least I know where it’s coming from, and I can remember that most of my life, appointments turned out OK — and that when they didn’t, it was still, with a little work, manageable.

    That said, don’t even consider skipping your appointments. *nips ankle* πŸ™‚

  7. I was once examined for prostate problems by an attractive, smart (and single) female doctor. I couldn’t even look her in the eye throughout the final prognosis. It was without a doubt the most mortifying moment of my life. I avoid doctors at all costs and I’ve never had a regular GP. So my chances of coming across a female doctor when I really need to deal with some delicate male issue are about 50/50.

    Funny thing is, I bumped into her a few days later and she actually suggested we have coffee some time. I politely turned her down.

  8. thefluffyone – Hey! No claws! πŸ™‚

    I haven’t really had a bad experience with the doctor, I was just more afraid of the results of the exam. After all ignorance is bliss? OK, you’re one wise kitty. I actually am quite relieved I went and happy to report all my tests and labs came out quite normal.

    Ron – Wow! Getting hit on by your Urologist? Now, that’s creepy. Actually, looking at my list of specialists, it looks like your chances of getting a female urologist is more like 20%. Unless things are quite a bit different down under. I meant, in Australia. Not down under, well, down there.

  9. Glad you went and glad everything is okay πŸ™‚

    With everything that teeters between ok/wrong with me, I have to go every 3-6 months for a check-in. I get sent for tests (blood or more involved ones) and then spend all the time until I hear back “trying on” the possible malady and getting myself mentally prepared to ‘be’ that… then am almost disappointed when I am declared just fine. Ha! Then I’m really glad.


  10. I once broke my tailbone. They don’t X-ray for that malady.

    The doctor inserted his unwelcome digits into an area of my body unaccustomed to such intrusions. He described what he was doing to the medical student observing the exam. I’m sure he was about to ask if he wanted to try.

    I feigned extreme pain and was saved being used as a test dummy.

  11. I’m being stalked by my dentist for reasons that are somewhat similar, and yet, you know, not really similar at all … although he is far more interested in investigating my mouth than anyone else I can think of in the past year or so.

  12. That would really bother me. Unless you really like this doctor, consider finding another one and letting the first one know that you found someone else because you didn’t like their tactics.

  13. Corina – I’m afraid it has nothing to do with this individual gynecologist – it’s a Kaiser thing. The Chief of GYN at Richmond is dead set on showing really good numbers for Pap Smear compliance. Health Plans are measured by various agencies on various preventative health measures – pap smears being one of them. So, I guess rather than waiting for people to stumble into the office for some other kind of visit, they are getting very, very proactive.

  14. My gynecologist is STILL stalking me. The other day near the close of my business day I get a call – I see that it is from someone within our company, but another location. OK. Interesting. “Hello, LB. This is Dr. Annoyingasallhell. You do know that you are overdue for a Pap smear, don’t you?”

    Geez, I probably should have gotten it done when we had the Pap-a-pa-looza at work a couple of weeks ago.

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