You can only roll with the punches for so long until you finally need to go down for the count.
The last few weeks have been a bit challenging. I mean, other people have it all whole lot more challenging for much longer periods of time. And the fact the some of these people read this blog and get something out of it really humbles me. My problems are really pretty small in the big picture, and my life is far, far better than I had ever imagined it to be (but then again, like the Danes, I have very low expectations. Being alive is something of a miracle to me). However, sometimes all the little stuff just begins to wear you down.
The week started with a night of Alaska (my elderly cat, not the state) drama. “Oh, I need to pee . . . Owww, it hurts when I pee . . . Damn I need to pee again . . . Oh shit I can’t pee . . .Oh my god I can’t pee so I’ll just pace around the house and squat on every blanket in the house and leak small amounts of urine . . I think I’ll leak some urine next to mom’s pillow . . . Oh no, mom is getting frustrated with me so I’ll just yowl really loudly. . . Rrrrrrrrrroooooooowwwwwwwww!” I was up much of the night trying to get him to calm down because I knew a trip to the emergency vet would do nothing more than deplete my already depleted bank account even more. I finally went to sleep around 3:30 am.
The next morning I was too tired and cranky to go to the meditation and teaching at the Dakini Temple. Mistake. If I ever needed a hit of dharma, it was then. Then I was a bad friend and didn’t call back a friend when we had made plans to get together. I ended up sleeping most of the afternoon.
Tuesday I woke up started getting ready for work and then was rather quickly felled with chills and nausea. After piling on several blankets, I called in to work and and then collapsed. I called the boyfriend and told him as pitifully as I could that I had the flu. After his initial reaction of “gee, I hope you didn’t give it to me” he offered to get me provisions to get me through, what I expected to be, at least of week of misery. You see, the Lazy Buddhist is also an Asthmatic & Panic-Disordered Buddhist, so with any kind of bad cold or flu, I also usually end up having panic attacks due to an inability to breath.
Very fortunately, this bout of whatever lasted less than 24 hours. My fever broke that night with the bug never making it to my head or chest, and I felt like a human again the next day. Alaska, likewise, is feeling better. Perhaps we just needed to hit the reset button to get back on track.