Getting closer

  • I have a new friend. Before she was a friend of a friend, but today she got upgraded to friend. Funny how that works. Our mutual friend had planned for the three of us to have lunch together today. Just us three girls. Our mutual friend couldn’t make it because she was ill, but we decided to meet for lunch anyway. Now I have a new friend. I’m getting better at this friendship thing. It’s kind of nice. Growing up, I had lots of friends. In fact, my friends were much more important to me than my family. However, as I got older, I started to become more isolated. I had good situational relationships – work friends, dharma center friends, etc. But, I never really invited any of them into life. And it never really bothered me because I am more comfortable alone. Being around people can be very draining for me – no matter how much I enjoy their company. It’s easier and more comfortable being alone. But, that seems to be shifting, and I’m happy about it.
  • Tangerine O’Feral let me pet her today for the first time in our year and a half relationship. Now, I just have to let that be enough. I don’t think she wants to be a house cat, even though it would be better for her. But, mostly I want her in the house so I would know where she is, so I wouldn’t have to worry about her. Maybe, after we become better friends she may accept my offer to come back into the house. Maybe not. I’m just happy that she trusts me enough now to allow me to pet her.
  • I have figured out how I’m going to handle the relationship with the brother. I’m very simply going to tell him in a card that he is in my thoughts and prayers, and if there is anything I can do for him, to not hesitate to call. And that’s all I really can do. It would be quite selfish of me to foist my agenda of healing our relationship on him so that I don’t feel guilty if he dies. If he has the wish, I’ll be here. If not, I’m still here. And as a way of clearing the blockages in my heart towards him, I’m going to make him the object of my almost daily Tonglen practice (taking and giving meditation).
  • Yesterday, while lounging in the comfy chair, first I was joined by Alaska, who jumped up on my chest. Shortly thereafter came Sasquatch, who partially sits on the arm of the chair and then places the upper part of his body on my lap. We sat there quite comfortably for a bit while I chatted on the phone. Finally Mr. Binkles, the bunny decided to get in on the action and worked his way into fur pile. So, there we were, the four sentient beings who live in this house, all crowded into one big comfy chair looking out at the rain. Life can be very good.

3 responses »

  1. It seems as though I’ve been gone from your place for a long time although it’s only been a few days.

    The decision you came to on how to respond to your brother’s news was comforting… a bit of an “ah ha” moment for me. After reading what you’re going to do I thought, “well of course… that sounds like the Buddhist thing to do. Why didn’t i think of that.”

    Thank you LB for that teaching.
    ~ jules

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