I’m dreaming of a quiet Christmas

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And it looks like my dream is going to come true. 

Having put in the mega-hours at work this last month, I had neither the time nor the  interest to do any shopping for the boyfriend for Christmas.  None.  Zip.  Zero.  So, I told him I would rather celebrate Christmas (secular Christmas, not little baby Jesus in a manger Christmas) on New Years Day instead.  He hemmed and hawed a bit, but finally had to acquiesce since he wants something more under the tree than merely Sasquatch or Mr. Binkles. 

Every Christmas since the 2nd year after we started dating, we have gone to his brother’s house for Christmas dinner.  And while his brother and his family are lovely, lovely, polite, clean people I really don’t have much in common with them.  They are, you see, Mormon.  And while that doesn’t mean they all sit around talking into their hats, it does mean that their lives revolve around family and the church.  And since I’m not a member of either, they don’t have that much interest in me (though they are heart-breakingly polite about it).  And truth to be told, I don’t have that much interest in a lot of things they enjoy talking about, namely babies.

I am not moved by babies.  I do not wish to touch babies, nor hold babies.  Please god do not show me your baby pictures.  Unless, of course, it is a baby and an animal.  Babies in conjunction with animals are cute (unless the animal is mauling the baby, in that case, the baby is horrifying and why would you show me that picture anyway?  You sicko!)

What was I saying?  Oh right. Babies.  There are eight children in the boyfriend’s brother’s family.  Six of whom have gotten married in the last 10 years, so they are now all popping out babies.  Some of these babies have evolved into perfect blonde children of the corn.  These little children have not yet learned the art of making conversation just to be polite, so they pretty much ignore me once they realize that I am not going to fawn over them or bring them treats.  That works for me.

Tomorrow I am sending the boyfriend off to his brother’s without me.  All his neices and nephews really do love their weird uncle, even if he is not one of Them.  Don’t worry, they’ll baptize him when he’s dead, so it’s all good.  Even though he wants me to go, he understands it’s a long journey (they have moved this last year to where it is now about 2 hour trip rather than 1) and I have to work on Wednesday.  It’ll be better for him anyway.  All the kids will be there for a change, so hopefully he can just relax and enjoy their company without having to worry about his me.

My plans?  I picked up the special edition version of Monty Python and The Holy Grail.  I have no idea how they are going to fill three disks with special features, but I’m happy to find out.  Also, got Life of Brian, as a nod to Our Lord, what with it being his (supposed) birthday and all.  And I also got a Bollywood movie just for the hell of it.

So, Merry Christmas to those who celebrate.  And to those who don’t, may you have a nice, peaceful day.  If anyone is looking for me, I’ll be on the couch watching my Monty Python marathon.

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7 responses »

  1. A Mormon Christmas? You’re better of with the Monty Python lads. My Christmas was quiet, there was no hoopla, except for the student parties. I’m glad to be away from North America sometimes.

  2. My sister and her husband are fundamentalist Christians. My other sister and her live-in boyfriend are wanna-be fundamentalist Christians but can’t bring themselves to stop drinking or the whole “living in sin” thing they’ve got going on. I think it’s funny. then there’s my brother who doesn’t really want to be Christian but his wife is a wanna be but they only go to church on Easter and Christmas except when her family’s schedule for gift opening doesn’t coincide with the service so then it’s ok to skip.

    Hee hee…. being the heathenistic, heretic, UU, buddhist-thinking, left wing, grinch, pinko-commie that they think I am, I was able to duck out of family christmas time, too. Hit the links with dad. Beautiful day for golf down here on the gulf coast plains. Just beautiful.

    blessings of the dharma to you, buddhist sister of mine. : )
    Jules

  3. A Mormon Christmas? I shutter to consider….

    You’re better off with Michael Palin and the lads. My Christmas was anything but peaceful. Three parties, one for more than 1,000 children (with your love of kids it would have been humorous to see you there). I’m looking forward to a quiet new year’s eve.

  4. We just rented a recent release OF Monty Python TV skits, featuring each actor. I expected to laugh more with the Best of Michael Palin. The cheese skit holds up fairly well. (“You do actually have some cheese, don’t you?”)

    But a lot of it seemed more relevant to its era than today. Which made a little bit sad, and kind of protective or even defensive for them in an odd way. On the other hand, considering a choice of Palin or the Latter Day Saints, Mon-TY Py-THON perks me right up again.

  5. I should take quick second to introduce myself as Iver’s friend. And as his friend he pointed me to your postings, and I find myself drawn to read them.

    Either because they seem to be so well written, or some inner part of me, who has been through 31 mormon family Christmas extravaganzas, deeply connects with your wants and wishes for a quiet Christmas. My sister has children, and my cousins have children, I have a child (somewhere I think the total comes to around 15 kids here) and the chaos that can ensue is, well, quite simply chaotic. This year the wife and I decided to spend Chrsitmas here alone with my son, and while we had more than a couple of cats under the tree (our cats prefer to play in the tree and break ornaments), it was quiet. It was calm. It was a huge departure from the norm.

    I too have the special edition of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The Life of Brian is a classic in my mind, and nothing makes me laugh more than to watch as Brian learns the fine art of haggling while on the lamb (yes, this is an intended pun) from the Roman soldiers.

    This has turned in to far more than I ever intended, as I originally meant to simply comment on insane mormon Christmas celebreations. To sum up, I appreciate your comments, and thanks for letting me intrude.

  6. Yes, spending Christmas with the Monty Python lads was indeed just what I needed. Seeing Monty Python and the Holy Grail is like visiting with old friends – you know all their jokes by now, but you just feel so damn warm and fuzzy, you laugh like its the first time.

    Adam – any friend of Iver’s is a friend of mine. Welcome. And feel free to intrude anytime. 🙂 But, wow, I appreciate your fortitude in undergoing 31 Mormon family Christmas (and I appreciate that you didn’t take offense at me calling them a polite, clean people).

    Right now the boyfriend is putting presents under the tree for our belated Christmas on Tuesday. Again, it will be quiet. Just open some gifts, turn on the Rose Parade and watch some football.

    Happy New Year, y’all.

  7. I take offense at almost nothing. As it is, I refer to myself as a “Jack Mormon”, which sounds a lot tougher than it really is. Should you talk to some practicing mormons, they would refer to me as “Apostate”, which simply sounds to me like I’m going to Hell.

    Well, thanks for the invite to intrude. I’m sure I will whenever I can.

    And nice to meet you.

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