This isn’t starting well


Little Nomie has taken a turn for the worst. This morning she didn’t come out for breakfast, and when I went to pick her up, she felt warm and weak. When I place her on the floor, she crumpled. Food did not interest her.

Since she had been showing so much improvement I had taken her off her fluids and antibiotics, thinking that she was at about 90% of her previous self before the dramatic episode of last month. Well, back on fluids and antibiotics she goes. Let’s hope she can turn it around again.

My own mind had a similar set back this morning. I thought I was starting to pull myself out of this depression, but again, rumors of my recovery have been greatly overstated. Everything feels heavy. Everything is an effort. I feel like I am moving through molasses.

My teacher is coming home today. I don’t want to talk to her. Part of me want to tell her own hurt I was by her lack of empathic communication for the last month or two. Yet, I know that she is not a warm and fuzzy person, so it’s not realistic to expect that from her.  I need distance from her, but I don’t know how to interact with her without falling into old patterns.  It feels easier just to cut loose the relationship.

Fuck.  I have to go into the office today.  Fuck.

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