Is she, or isn’t he?

I guess it’s good to have some mysteries in life.  Like, what happens to us after death, or is there life on other planets, or why is my cat acting so weird?   It gives us something to ponder, to debate.   Keeps the ol’ mind engaged.  So, I guess I should be grateful for the mystery I confront everyday at the office:  did Patricia start out her life as Patrick?

When I started my new job close to three months ago, I was warned by my predecessor that I shouldn’t get too friendly with the ladies who have their offices in the same area.  I believe she said something to the effect, that if I let them, “they’ll all be up in your business, and that some of them can be downright ghetto”. I recall I looked at her slightly a glance at that last comment, to which she responded “it’s OK. I’m black. I can say that about my people.”  I had no idea what the animosity was about, but I appreciated the heads  up.

So, when I moved into my office I was surprised at how friendly people were.  Most of my new office mates were cordial and welcoming, but not uncomfortably so.  Except for Patricia.  Lord have mercy, that woman was the office welcome wagon. Next thing I knew, she was making me tea and helping me get settled.  When I came in in the morning, rather than greeting me with a smile and a quiet “good morning”, she shouted her greeting and then would regale me with description of her tea of the day.  She would invite me into her office that she had transformed into a comfy den.  No fluorescent lights for Miss Patricia, no, she brought in a couple of lamps, and her walls were decorated with her own art.  Plants and personal pictures lined her shelves, and she had a little fountain bubbling in the corner.  Very soothing.  And I think it was also a good strategy professionally as her clients were people who were usually upset about some billing issue.

But, as soothing as Patricia’s office is, her own appearance can be a little jarring.  Girlfriend applies the make-up with a trowel and is always wearing a bright pink head scarf. For reasons completely unknown, she also always wears a lab coat, even though she works in billing.  She also eats an ungodly amount of tofu.  I mean, whole bricks of it at a time.   Her ethnicity is also a bit of mystery.  Because of the headscarf, I thought she was perhaps Middle Eastern.  Later she tells me she is Filipino, which didn’t compute at all. She’s an odd bird, but I like her, and she has definitely helped me feel quite welcome.

One day, however, I was having lunch with my boss. We were doing the basic check-in on how I was adapting and I mentioned Patricia and what a trip she is.  “You do know that she’s a man, right?”  my boss whispered to me over our soba noodles.   Wha wha  what????  I asked her about the source of this information and she said was my predecessor.  Hmmm.  Knowing the animosity she had towards her former colleagues, I had to take this information with a smidge of salt.  Though, I had to admit it explained A LOT if it were true.

I went back to the office and was ready to put the matter to rest by looking for her Adam’s apple and her hands.  Inconclusive.  No noticeable Adam’s apple, though her hands are a bit large and blunt.   And she’s kept me guessing ever since.   Every time I start to feel certain that she is transgender, she does something that calls it all into question again.  I was certain that all that make-up probably hid a rather masculine looking face. Then she came in with no make-up at all.   And she sure didn’t look like a man at all.  In fact, I wondered why she felt it was necessary to slather on all that make-up at all.

So it goes, back and forth.  He is.  She isn’t.  And while I normally comfortable asking people even the most awkward and uncomfortable of questions, I can think of no diplomatic way of asking her if she used to be a he.   It’s not something I want to ask my colleagues because a) I wouldn’t want it getting back to her and b) I don’t want to start rumors.

This afternoon I’ll be attending a presentation on how to better serve our transgender patients.  And while I’m sure there will be all sorts of appropriate questions that I should be asking, it is going to take all my will to not blurt out “you know Patricia in the business office?  What’s the deal?”